The Luckiest Vulgar Hero
by RemingtonSteele224
Summary: No one has seen Kick-Ass for over two years. After Hit Girl escaped prison and became the toughest real life superhero going around the world,everyone just stayed away from becoming a hero. Unless of course you are a nineteen year old saving a stripper. Takes place after Kick-Ass 3.OC characters but the two classic ones will show up. In collaboration with 4fireking


Tony Fradeau was what some would call a non-addict. Sure, he was a bit too into the idea of meeting a stripper or a brothel-girl, but other than that his days were mostly spent at home. The 19 year old needed to find a way out of this... Back when Kick-Ass was still aroundaround, that would be dressing up. Dressing up and becoming a hero, a superhero. He always had been looking up to Kick-Ass.

He had actually made a crappy green paper plate mask and sometimes, at his lonely state, would fantasize about being a hero... Being the man with the most... Being the man who would get the girl...

However he knew that could not happen, for fuck's sake, he was 19 and even his parents thought he was kind of a pussy ;his whole world was video games and cheap escorts or when he didn't do that, he did what he hated, that he loved doing... Spent the entire day playing League Of Legends.

He had been so focused listening to 10-year-olds taunting him, saying that they would fuck his mother that didn't notice, it was night time.

'Well seems like good time as any to hit the bar' he thought to himself. Of course by bar he meant strip club, and as his hormones were driving him, behind the wheel of his dad's shitty-ass Jeep, little did he know that this visit to the House of Pleasure would not be like all the others...

It didn't take him long to arrive and pull up to his usual parking spot. So far nothing looked particularly different ;there was the married man that is here every Friday getting a blowjob in his white Subaru. Seeing his face Tony remembered why he sometimes brought his crappy mask with him. He didn't want the strippers to look at his face while blowing him. All seemed identical to any other time, except for the black parked SUV.

Just then a man came out of the SUV, rushing towards the married man while waving a fake budge. The man was trying to con the cheating shit. The badge looked fake from a mile away, it was made out of cardboard,but that didn't stop the unknown man from scaring the living daylights out of the married one who didn't noticed the fake as he was petrified.

"My name is Earl Meadow and I was hired by your wife. My job is to find out if you have a lover and then report back to her with evidence." He pointed at the camera that was hanging around his neck. "Looks like I hit the jackpot."

"LISTEN, WE CAN COME TO AN AGREEMENT!" The married cunt pleaded as he buttoned up his pants and kicking the escort out of his car.

"Please man, she will get everything I own if she goes to court with evidence."Earl smiled at that.

" Well, it's your lucky day... That's actually why I took the time to talk to you... "

" Hey! " the girl said as soon as she got on her feet." You owe me 50 bucks mister. "

" Shut the fuck up bitch!! Men are talking here!!" the married cunt yelled as he punched her hard in the face, knocking her unconscious.

" What the fuck?! " Tony yelled as he hurried his way over. The cunt ignored him and turned to Earl.

"Give me 2k and this all goes away." Earl said.

"Get in" the married one said smiling. The Subaru engine roared as the two men disappeared into the night, leaving the poor girl lying in the middle of the parking lot. Tony scooped her up, and held her in a bridal fashion.

"Please..." she said. "Take me inside, my friend can help." He did as he was told and carried her into the House Of Pleasure.

He sat her onto a bar stool.

"Are you thirsty?" he asked offering some water, realizing how stupid that was, when she was just fucking a man.

The girl smiled. "No. Thank you. I just really needed some extra cash. Some people go on online surveys and answer surveys, I give men a date experience they'll never forget."

"Well you certainly won't be forgetting that..." he tried with a failed attempt on humor. Just then another Girl, with dark her and even darker eyes came running towards them. The girl was only wearing red underwear and Tony could not take his eyes of her body. She hugged the beaten girl tightly and then glared at Tony who was still ogling her body.

"What the fuck have you done to her!!" she yelled while grabbing Tony by his shirt and violently shaking him back and forth. She was stopped by her colleague.

"He didn't do anything!! Jack left without paying and he punched me. He picked me up and carried me here, cleaning up my face."

The half naked girl looked at him as her expression went from rage to suprice.

"Well OK..." she said "Abby I think you should take the night off, considering your bleeding... Let's go talk to the manager."

"Sure thing." Abby said, as she got up and took her purse. Then she turned at Tony and planted a kiss on his right chick. "Thank you!" she said smiling. Tony didn't have enough time to blush, let alone speak as the 2 girls vanished into the crowd. He ordered a drink to hide his blushes. After awhile he felt someone pulling the stool next to him. He turnturned and he saw Abby's friend, those dark eyes staring at him smiling. This time though she was dressed in jeans and sweater. "Aren't you supposed to be working?" Tony asked smiling back, he couldn't help it.

"My shift is over, and I noticed you were still here so I figured, could come and thank for what you did for my friend. I'm Olivia."

"Tony"

Olivia and Tony shook hands. His hands felt warm to her, but not in that disgusting jerking off way when people grab her ass.

She gave Tony her most sincere smile before walking off.

Author note: Well there you have it. The first chapter to my second fic. I also wanna say that I'm not writing this fic alone but in collaboration with 4fireking. If you like it go to his account and show him some love. Please review.


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